(1) Once, I went to stay for the hunting season with some friends in a large country house in…

(1) Once, I went to stay for the hunting season with some friends in a large country house in Picardy. My friends were fond of practical jokes. I do not care to know any other sort of people. (2) When I arrived, they gave me a princely reception, which at once aroused distrust in me. I thought I caught a mischievous smile between two of my friends. They embraced me, as if they wanted to have great fun at my expense. (3) During dinner, the mirth was excessive. I observed, ‘Here are people who take a double share of amusement, and apparently without reason. They must be looking out in their own minds for some bit of fun. Assuredly, I am to be the victim of the joke.’ (4) For the entire evening, everyone laughed in an exaggerated fashion. I smelled a practical joke in the air, as a cat smells a mouse. I did not let a word or gesture escape me. I was watchful and restless. Everyone seemed to me an object of suspicion. (5) The clock struck and it was time to go to bed. The whole household came to accompany me to my room. I entered the room, shut the door, and remained standing, without moving a single step; holding the wax candle in my hand. (6) I heard laughter and whispering in the corridor. Without doubt, they were spying on me. I cast a glance around the walls, the furniture, the ceiling, the hangings, the floor. I heard people moving about outside my door. I had no doubt they were looking through the keyhole. (7) An idea occurred to me, ‘My candle may suddenly go out and leave me in darkness.’ So, I went across to the mantelpiece and lit all the wax candles that were on it. I inspected every article one after the other. I looked around me once again, without discovering anything. (8) I went over to the windows. The shutters were open and I closed them with great care. I placed a chair in front of the windows to prevent any entry from outside. Cautiously tiptoeing, I peeped behind the enormous curtains and found nothing. (9) I did not venture to get into the bed as it was particularly suspicious looking. Perhaps it would sink if I lay on it. So, I caught hold of the side of the mattress and drew it slowly toward me. It came away followed by the sheet and the rest of the bedding. I dragged all these objects into the very middle of the room far away from the bed, facing the entrance door. Then, I extinguished all the candles, slipped under the blanket and lay down on the mattress. (10) For at least another hour, I remained awake and then I fell asleep. I must have been in a deep sleep and did not realise that it was morning already. (11) All of a sudden, I was awakened by something heavy falling on me. At the same time, a burning liquid fell on my face and neck, and I howled in pain. (12) I felt myself suffocating under the weight that was crushing me. I stretched out my hand and felt a face. With all my strength, I launched out a punch which was reciprocated with a hail of punches. Jumping straight out of the soaked sheets, I rushed into the corridor. (13) The noise brought my friends hurrying into my room. Sprawled over my improvised bed, we found the dismayed housekeeper. While bringing my morning cup of coffee, he had tripped over the bed in the middle of the floor, and fallen on his stomach, spilling the hot liquid all over me. (14) The precautions I had taken in closing the shutters and going to sleep in the middle of the room had only brought about all the drama I had been striving to avoid. (Adapted from An Uncomfortable Bed by Guy De Maupassant)